Lay Your Weary Head to Rest
by DisneyDiva
Summary: A bad mission and loss leads to some interesting chats on memories, bad dreams, following orders and when is it okay to be not okay.
1. Chapter 1

Lay Your Weary Head To Rest.

As with most nightmares she woke abruptly. Harshly. And thankfully. They always left her heart thundering in her chest and her body feeling like she had been lying in a block of ice. This time was no different. She lay gasping, trying to get her bearings. The blanket tangled around her legs and the pillow on the floor, long forgotten. Even though her body felt chilled her blond hair stuck to her forehead and neck and her stomach rolled as her body caught up with the story her mind felt like telling tonight.

Jennifer Chase was not a big fan of night time To quiet. Too much time to be left alone to think in the darkness. For many months after she had joined the group, she had slept with the desk light so that when the inevitable nightmares woke her up, she could immediately see where she was. She rarely slept through the nights. It was why she volunteered for so many nights shifts. At least then there was Mentor to talk to about the many new things that bombarded her daily.. It kept her demons quiet. Being Dread Youth meant having nightmares were signs of weakness. There was nothing to be afraid of. No reason for the mind to think. So even when she was younger and had had them, she learned quickly how to hide waking from them from those she shared a room or work station with. Anything less then perfection had painful results.

It was harder to do that now.

The guys always seem to notice when she was just a little off after a bad night. Jon and Matt especially. Sometimes talking or working on the jump ship helped. Sometimes beating things helped more. Sometimes nothing helped. Those where the times that confused her. the most. Having so much uncertainty run throughout her thoughts drove her crazy. And yet, she had learned that uncertainty was part of human condition. Part of free will and making her own decisions. That didn't mean she welcomed the turmoil.

Jennifer sighed and untangled her legs from her mound of blankets. Sitting up, she quickly slipped her sock covered feet into her boots for warmth. She wondered if she would ever get used to the cold at the Northstar base. During the days it wasn't an issue, but nights where always a bit chilly.

Even with company.

That thought made her smile. Though she was both glad and sad he wasn't presently with her. Jon and her had finally started working though their many relationship "issues". Currently they were enjoying a very involved and rather happy period. After so much turmoil a a year ago, it was a blessing in every way. Yet, even with the current progress, she still needed her space. As did he. So most nights were still spent alone. When they were together, sleep was usually farthest from their minds and these days as the war was ramping up, uninterrupted sleep was in short supply. Jon had to much to deal with to have to hand hold her through another mind-bender of a dream. Though, she knew he would not mind and may be even be a little hurt that she still' felt a bit uncomfortable sharing those with him.

Maybe some fresh air would help. Or freeze her. Either way it was better then laying there talking to herself or relieving that damned dream again. She wasn't sure what the dream was about. Once it was over the images started fading, but the feelings it invoked did not leave her, sending shivers down her spine and cramping her stomach. Jumbled and confusing. Her mind did like to mess with her whenever it could.

Jennifer bundled up, layering warmer clothes over her uniform and grabbing her gloves. Quietly she opened her door and walked past the others rooms. All their doors were closed. In a move they did only rarely, Jon had taken first watch and then left Mentor to monitor the rest of the night. The plan had been for some uninterrupted sleep for all. Recharge.

It had been a long few, days moving settlers and fighting off some of Dreads new toys. Almost routine. Bio-Dread Dread was more deadly these days. His plans amping up in the destruction of the human race. But yesterday had hurt. Physically they were all fine, but emotionally….. He had targeted one the many orphanages that took in children after settlement attacks. Usually children only stayed in them for a few weeks before being moved safer accommodations. They were mobile camps that moved every week , rotating always to try and give some protection to the neediest. They were hard to find. And fiercely protected.

Somehow Dreads forces had found one. And he unleashed a full attack with orders to kill and burn everything. It was a message to them. They had hurt him lately and for a "unemotional" machine he was hitting back just as hard.

The call had come in while they had been heading home, so they were not to far. Even so the devastation that greeted them was unimaginable. The camp had been hit early morning as it was packing to move. Children getting dressed, washed and being feed. The solders defending it were overwhelmed by the ferociousness from the Dread forces that seemed to be in a particularly brutal mood, killing anything and everything. No digitation. No prisoners. Nothing but complete destruction.

The Power Team had made a difference. They had stopped his attack. Fought back just as fiercely. They had saved MOST of the kids. But not everyone and this loss was harder. Once again reminding them that life could be cruel even to those who barely had lived it. They had all felt weary and even a little broken stepping off the ship. Injuries had been minor, but not every injury can be seen. Some fester in other places of the body.

Jon had immediately ordered everyone to bed. He refused any help in monitoring and issued very strict instructions on when he wanted to see any of them again. Even her. Thinking that they had all listened to him, he had turned his back as to not invite any further conversation. His eyes dark. Already brooding. Stubbornly she had stayed in her chair, earning her an amused glance from Matt as the rest of them headed to bed. Matt knew she could help Jon, where the rest could not. Sooth a weary soul.

She had cleared her throat and watched him turn and give her his best irritated Captain look. "Pilot? I thought I was clear?"

Meeting his stormy gaze with her own troubled one, she had ignored his warning look and pulled him into the nearest chair and stood beside him, looking down. "You were. Jon…. are you … can I help?"

He had tried to keep his stern face on, hoping to stare her down. But she always could get under his defences and his shoulders had slumped. "I'm sorry Jennifer. I am at a loss to help anyone right now."He had admitted. She had done the only thing she could. She wrapped her arms around him, bringing his head to her chest. He had rested against her, her hands threading through his dark hair, his arms encircling her waist and holding her tight to him. They had stayed that way for some time before he had pulled back with smile" One of these days you ARE going to have to follow an order I give."

She had laughed and leaned down to kiss him. " I always follow the ones that make sense."

That had gotten a genuine smile from him. He had stood up and pulled her to him and kiss her passionately. A kiss that had left her a little breathless. Then he had ordered her to bed with the promise he was okay and would follow to his own soon. After a few more soft words and kisses she had left her Captain to his nighttime work and followed his orders.

Except now, three hours later she was wide awake. It was barely after 4 in the morning. To early to be up, Maybe she could see the sun rise and freeze at the same time, she thought darkly. Walking down the long hallway to the upper part of the base, she entered in her unlock codes into the computer to release the locks and opened the escape hatch. Yep…cold. Still cold was better then laying there thinking of burying those little bodies. And the smell. Not since SandTown. No it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out where these bad dreams came from. Still it had been awhile and the feelings and memories evoked left her emotions very close to the surface.

A sound to her left surprised and she spun around ready to defend herself only to see Jon's tousled head poke through the escape hatch. You know when you have been sent to bed, it usually means you have to stay there for the whole night." He joked

She gave him a small grin and watched him gingerly make his way to where she was sitting on the edge with her feet dangling down. "What are YOU doing up?"

Jon made himself comfortable and took peek over the edge, shaking his head. Why again did they come and sit up here? Was there not enough danger in their life? " Mentor alerted me to you unlocking the escape hatch."

Jennifer winced. " Jon, I'm sorry. I thought I had rerouted that protocol so he wouldn't alert you…." Her voice trailing off as he raised an eyebrow at her admission. "Won't do it again?"

He laughed "Yes you will. Or Scout Will. It's why there are back-up commands to counter your counter commands." He winked at her and then put his gloved hand to her cheek and drew her lips to his. His kiss started of soft and grew with intensity until they were both breathing hard. Grinning he pulled back to look at her now flushed face and swollen lips. "Good Morning."


	2. Chapter 2

This time when she woke up she was warm. The kind of warmth that came from having someone's arms around you and mingling their body heat with yours. Glancing around she noticed they were now in Jon's room, entangled in his bunk. Which meant him with his back up against the wall so they could spoon and hold each other. Not a lot of room, but they didn't need a lot when they wanted to be like this. While not clausterphobic, Jennifer was not a big fan of being trapped, even if it was by the man she loved. So she was always on the outside of the bunk.

Turning slightly in his arms she looked over at the sound asleep Captain. He truly was beautiful man. Yet even in his sleep, tension remained. The side effect of being Captain Power. It was moments like this she loved to watch him though. He was unguarded and as relaxed as Jonathan Power usually could get. She could see both the man and boy he once was by the way he slept. She liked the quiet of just laying there and listening to him breath. To feel his arm loosely draped over her hip and his feet tangled. Occasionally a tiny snore would come from his mouth and it would make her smile. It was moments like this she was keenly aware of how close she had come last year to never having this. To never knowing the the little things that made life worth living.

Adjusting herself she though back to Jon joining her out on the ledge a few hours ago. When he had popped out the escape hatch, it had been to talk. They both need it, yet neither really knew where to begin. It was going over old memories and new ones and mingling with hurts both would be better to leave in the past. Sometimes all you could do is hold each other and sometimes all you could do is sit in silence and be grateful for the silver lining. Being alive. Having their family. Having their home. Each other. Little things that so many did not have anymore.

After they had finished with Jon's rather passionate good morning kiss, he had leaned back, his lean arms stretching behind him, his feet like hers, dangling. "So…. bad dream?"

She had grimaced and looked down at her fingers, picking at some dirt that she had missed in her quick shower the night before. " Tiny one. Really nothing to worry about."

Jon said nothing only shifted his leg so it now bumped hers, causing some snow to loosen under them. When he got no response he used his leg again to bump hers, causing her to finally look over at him with raised eyebrow.

"Yes, Captain?"

"Talk to me." He said softly, letting some of the days and nights emotions seep into his voice.

Deflecting, she asked " Shouldn't I be saying the same thing?"

The both gave each other grins that actually looked more like grimaces. They knew each other to well. And at this stage of their relationship neither was willing to let anything go. Not if they could help the other. Almost like they were of one mind, they both took a deep breath and tried to start.

"You…"

"I guess…"

The grins were back, but this time they were genuine and reached both their eyes transforming their faces. Jon spread his arms as if to say you first. Impishly she stuck out her tongue causing him to laugh out loud. Another silence followed, until Jennifer too a deep breath.

"After everything that happened yesterday, I can't stop smelling like everything around me is burnt. I know it's not, but It's so tangible." She told him softly. "Even right now I smell it. I took two showers and still…." She shrugged her small shoulders helplessly.

Jon reached out and took her hand squeezing it softly. "For me, it was that tiny body. We have buried so many, but I have never buried one that small." His voice got tight with unleashed emotion" I know so many children have been lost, but I have never been there when they… they…" He couldn't continue and her hand tightened in his grasp.

Their eyes meet and held each others gaze for along moment. No more words. They could feel the depth of each other's sorrow, pain and fear reflected back. She found herself repeating her hug from earlier and pulling him to her. Their bodies shifting to be closer. Her hands ran throw is tousled hair and down his back in slow circles. His shoulder tensed for a minuted before releasing and he just leaned into her embrace, his arms bringing her closer. A need starting to erupt from his weary soul. He needed her. He needed to remember that even with loss there was life. Especially with this kind of loss.

His arms pulled her closer and she finally let go of the grief from the child's death. The fear and tension from the dreams that had been coiled in her gut all night. Her eyes grew bright with unleashed tears and she hugged him tighter to her, digging her fingers into his back to try and get closer. Jon sensed it was time to go inside, whatever was going to happen now, if it was good cry, a throwing fit with many choice words or love making it, was something that needed to be done in the privacy of one of their rooms.

"Hey, " He pulled back, taking her face in his hands " Let's go inside."

She nodded her eyes hooded with grief and something else. The same need he had felt in himself shown in their gray depths. No words were needed, they helped each other stand and moved down the escape hatch, locking the cold outside. They made their way to Jon's room and quietly closed the door. After that nothing else was needed to be said. They feel into each others arms in a rhythm of their own making. Both holding and loving away the hurts and pressures and leaving each other grounded in their connection.


	3. Chapter 3

By the time morning had come, Jon was again alone in his own bed. Very rarely did they spend the whole night together, both were still into needing their own spaces to reflect, recharge, and regroup. The romantic aspects of their relationship was still in the early shiny stages. Yet they had been friends for so long that they didn't have the puppy love where you see no wrong. They knew each others quirks and vices. And being morning people was not one in the plus column for either of them. Both had had to get up early and one time for so long in their lives. When Jennifer had understood there was such a thing as sleeping in, when their life allowed it of course, she took to it like a baby with her blanket. Jon had always been night owl so mornings tend to be something that was endured but not always welcomed. So as much as they loved each other and enjoyed each other, they both realized very quickly that they had their own way of dealing with their morning routines and neither was in place yet where that meant sharing the toothpaste holder.

Jon figured out very quickly that the pace of this relationship would be unlike anything he had ever experienced and it was putting him in a bit of of a loss on how to lead. Thankfully, Jennifer had understood his problem and during one of their late night chess games, she had very graciously told him that while she didn't understand a lot about dating, she did not need him to always be the leader. She followed Captain Power because he was the dynamic leader this world needed to win the war, but she loved Jonathan Power because of his passion for life. For him now, it was about taking time to reminding himself that he was a man besides the Captain. He needed to let her know what she meant to him and be willing to talk to her as his girlfriend and not a fellow soilder. That was a work in progress. For so long he had hide behind his command. The war needed all of Captain Power and really didn't require to much of Jonathan. Now he had to find out how to be both. It was like living in someone else's skin. A bit unnerving but exciting. Being with Jennifer would definitely never be boring. He would never say it to her face, but he wonders if she had some Irish in her. The girl could hold hold a grudge and man did she have a temper when you finally pissed her off. She was passionate about everything and through herself into life with gusto he has never seen, but loves to watch and be part of.

But at the moment he had a few other concerns. Yesterday had been bad and while they had talked a little, bad memories had been stirred up … again. Jennifer was getting to be a pro at moving through them and putting them behind her, but Jon wondered sometimes if she was a little to good now. Last night HAD bothered her. Bothered her enough that her mind brought her other senses to the the party. Her smelling the burning was all in her head, yet she couldn't seem to shake it even hours later after scrubbing both herself and changing clothes. He wondered what else she was conveniently forgetting to tell him about that was rattling around in that cute blonde head of hers. The real question was, how to get her to open up if she didn't want to. As her Captain it was his job to make sure she was emotionally sound and ready, as her boyfriend he just wanted her happy or at least as close to that as he could get her.

Well, he thought, he had been lazy enough. It was already approaching 8 am, and though he had told everyone that this morning was to be used to rest, the Captain in him never could rest long, nor was that order for him. Time to remember the world doesn't stop turning just because someone dies, even when its a child who barely knew three years on this mangled earth.

By the time he had reached the control room, Jennifer was already there, headphones on, going against, as usual his direct command, that they let Mentor monitor things until the afternoon. While part of him was amused, another part caused him to frown. Was he actually both amuse and irratated at the same time? "Pilot?"

Pilot swung around smiling a greeting at him until she noticed the frown " Captain. Good Morning."

"Did you forget what I said last night?" Jon asked walking around gently removing the earphones, making sure they didn't get tangled in her loose hair. He liked it when she wore it down. Wait no. Don't get distracted Jon, he told himself. Captain up. " No one was to report for duty until lunch."

"Jennifer watched him for minute her gray eyes narrowing as her mind broke apart the scene in font of her like a chess match. What was her move. She rarely ever thought anything uncharitable about Jon, but at this moment she wondered what had crawled up his butt. A saying she couldn't help but snicker at every time she heard Matt use it. This time was no exception and she had to work hard not smile. The mood Jon was in, he wouldn't appreciate it . "Honestly Captain?"

Jon felt like a bug the way she was watching him. His eyebrows went up at her response " Of course the truth, Pilot."

Jennifer nodded and stood up from the chair and walked over to stand right infant of the much taller man. Squaring her shoulders she looked directly back into his blue eyes " They were bad orders. They didn't make sense. They are the kind that can hurt others on the team, namely the Captain. Ergo(Thanks Scout for that word) I can't follow anything that I knowingly know would hurt you. …..Captain." She was standing stiff and straight, her eyes starring at his, her face expresionless.

"Pilot," He couldn't keep the growl that came out at her bluntness. " I am the Captain. My orders are final. Understand?"

Her expresion didn't change. "With all due respect, Sir, bad orders are still bad, no matter who gives them. You do want your people, your team, to think for themselves, To see the world and understand not everything the black and white?"

"Of Course…

"And you do want your team to feel comfortable in your leadership, that they can question your orders and disagree with them. " Jennifer continued without giving him time to catch up. "Critical thinking, analyzing and understanding that there is more then one way to every solution, isn't that what you taught me Captain?"

"Yes, I want you….."

"And more importantly we are a family first." Once again she pushed. She knew he was in the corner. He had taught her well when it came to debating " We protect each other, even when one or more of us is to hard headed to listen."

"Pilot, I hear…"

" No sir! I don't think you do. " She took a calculated step into his personal space and then stood up on her toes so she was even with him" I won't follow THESE orders, because they made no sense. I didn't follow THESE orders because you need the same rest as the rest of us. I didn't follow THESE orders because you need someone to remind you that it's okay not to always be what is expected of Captain Power." and then she reached over wrapped her arms around his stiff shoulders and said softly in his ear " I didn't follow your orders because I love you with all my heart and its my job to protect you when you can't or won't protect yourself"

With that simple statement, Jon deflated like a beach ball left out in the sun. "Jennifer." He said simply and brought her to him in simple but meaningful hug.

" The team needs rest." He said into her hair.

"You are part of the team." She countered simply. Her voice muffled by his chest.

" I am the Captain." He protested feebly

" Still part of the team. One for all and all for one." She grinned and leaned back so she could see him " I will always follow you into battle and will always do as you order, as long as you remember that we are in this together and going lone wolf doesn't protect any of us."

" No more reading for you." Jon muttered gathering her close again and kissing the top of her head. He felt her laughing and decided it was better to give up. There was no winning when she used her logical mind against someone. " Fine. Since it still morning and ALL of us are free, what do you expect me to do thats not work."

Moving out of his arms, she quickly switched the monitoring back auto and then started walking out of the room. " Well, I was going to work out. I could use a sparring partner. " And then with a mischievous grin " Want to help?"

And then she walked out of the room leaving a very confused Captain. What the hell just happened? He was still captain right? Damn she was good and damned did he love her even more for it.


End file.
